Writing your wedding vows shouldn’t be a daunting task… but I get it. There is that little pressure to do well, not embarrass your partner, look smart and funny while still being emotional and even maybe make everyone cry.
Now forget about all of that.
Undress yourself from what you see on youtube videos, movies, and other weddings you’ve been to.
Let’s bring this to where it should be: simple, from the heart, with no pressure to be the best, but to be honest, caring and loving.
The reading of the vows at weddings as grown to be such a mainstream thing that we forget the most important part: they are your promises to the person you chose to spend the rest of your life with.
I’m here to help!
So if you are overwhelmed with the task, but like me, you’re also on quarantine, this is the perfect time to be alone with a piece of paper and a pen, and write down what you feel.
Don’t feel discouraged, I am here to help, and I wrote down 5 easy steps.
1. Get inspired into wanting to create
What makes you tick? Is there ever a time when you watch something, or read a book, or see a flock of Starlings outside and feel happy and want to get your hands down into creating something? Channel that.
This is the best time ever for that because, well… you have time.
Re-read your favourite book and see if it sparks anything in you.
On a little side note, cooking contests get me so excited! The thrill and adrenaline of the competition, the poetry of a beautifully plated dish, the compliments of the judges, the emotion on the contestants faces. I just can’t explain it. It makes me want to create things! Maybe it’s how seeing contestants pulling their sleeves up to start cooking makes me all pumped up.
This to also say, I’m binging Masterchef Australia on Amazon Prime like a looney and hey, I got back into blogging!
So by this, I mean that anything counts, as long as it makes you tick. We are just solely looking for something that will spark you wanting to create. Not copy what someone else has done. Simply having the will to pull your sleeves up and do something.
2. But where do I start?
You can start by writing down a list of the reasons why you love your partner.
Then, a list of the things that annoy you, but that are such a consistent part of what makes your partner special, that you now can’t live without (these can make up for excellent funny queues later).
By writing these down, you’ll inevitably start going down memory lane, and many episodes and stories will start popping up. Write those down too by topics. Then, pick one or two faves, and get into them with more detail. One good idea here is to talk about a special moment you both had that you’ll never forget or the moment when you realised ‘this is my person’
3. What length should my vows have?
There really isn’t a rule on this. But maybe don’t make them toooooooo long in the end. But for now, we’re not even considering that.
You should write your heart out first and edit later.
So get all you gathered by topics on section 2, and get to writing and introduction about what makes your partner special to you, and mix it up with the quirky things too.
Then, as you flow to the body of your text, tell your partner a story of how happy you felt at a certain moment you shared, or a loving memory you have of both together, and why this is so special to you.
(On section 4 we’ll go to your vows and how to close them.)
Still on the length of your vows, a good thing to do when you’re done, and if you are not sure they read well, is to ask one of your best friends to have a read.
It should be someone who knows you both well, and who will be brutally honest with you when letting you know what parts you should keep and what you should get rid of.
Don’t be sad though. You can always save what doesn’t go into the vows to read to your partner later. Maybe when the wedding is over and you’re back into the hotel room. Turn it into a lovely surprise and make it very intimate.
4. Don’t forget to make your promises towards the person you love
This is the real reason why vows are here. You chose this one person out of billions to be YOUR person. And you had the honour of that person choosing you too.
After doing that bit of introduction and starting the body of your text with steps 2 and 3, now is the time to write down your promises, and all you have to do is answer these questions:
Why are you grateful you found this person? Why are you grateful this person chose you too?
What do you promise you’ll do and be for this person you so much love?
Speak from the heart.
As a conclusion of your vows, you can end with your promises, or also do a call back from your introduction. It could either be from what you love in your partner, or those funny aspects you took note of.
Again, no rules. Just what feels right.
5. How can I make them feel like it’s my style? Or like this could only have come from me?
Easy. Play to your strengths.
If you are a poet, write a poem, if you sing, sing/write a song, if story telling is more your vibe, read your vows as a story. So you are more of a comedian, own it. Oh, but you don’t like to speak in public, or are more succinct, make them short and straight to the point.
There are no rules.
Be true to who you are and to your feelings, and that is what will make your vows unique and honest.
Is there a RIGHT way to read our vows on our wedding day?
No.
Again, there are no rules. It is your wedding and it is your choice on how you want that moment to happen.
Here are three suggestions on how you could read your vows. All you have to do is talk to your partner as part of your wedding planning, and reach a choice that will reflect who you are as a couple, and that will make you both comfortable.
A) You can go the traditional way, and read your vows out loud, in front of your friends and family.
B) You can read them to each other the night before, or during your first look if you opt to do it on the day. Just the two of you, before walking down the aisle (I would suggest you letting your photographer be present on this moment too, to capture the moment).
C) You can opt not to read them. Just writing them down, putting them on an envelope, and seal them in a box.
You can only read these if ever your wedding feels like it’s coming through a rough path. The goal is for those vows to help you get through a difficult moment in your relationship, and remind you of how crazy in love you are in this exact moment in your lives. They can be of great help, believe me!
An honest note from your wedding photographer Luisa Starling
I hope these have helped you if you’re feeling a little bit stuck on writing your vows.
From my perspective, and having witnessed and captured hundreds of them, remember that all you have to do is write from the heart. You are not here to impress a crowd with your writing skills. It all comes down to talking to ONE person only.
You are promising to love and to care for the partner you chose to share your life with.
And with that in mind, there is no way it can go wrong.
Love,
Lu
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